It is not always easy to communicate what you want to your partner, or rather, it should be but often communication is not effective and the result is to look a bit like cockers tripping over their ears: clumsy, but still cute.
In this article we will discuss we will try to give you some tips that we hope will help you not only find the right words, but also find the right timing to introduce your new friendly and lovely sex toy.
Let's make a premise, it doesn't matter how long you have been together with your partner, whether it is a one-night stand or they has been your partner for 3 months or 10 years. It also doesn't matter what kind of sextoy you want to introduce, whether it is a strapon, a dildo, a vibrator, or a vibrating ring, the method for effective communication is always the same. Let's see together what are the 4 steps needed to communicate your desires.
Let's deconstruct some stereotypes first: sextoys do not compete with you.
Before we begin, it is important to deconstruct one concept: sextoys are not there to replace you as a partner. Very often we feel threatened but let's remember that emotions and feelings are not replaceable by any object and sex is composed of 99% of what we feel.
When we are asked to have a new experience we have all the rights to say no. If this “No” is dictated by fears or insecurities we can always express them and get reassurance if needed, our partners are there for that too 🙂 .
The timing is super important!
It is often thought that desires or new practices to be experienced with one's partners should be expressed in bed, perhaps asking or talking about it when the atmosphere is already warm. Another mistake is to introduce the sextoy (dildo, vibrator, or strapon) without having talked about it beforehand. The surprise method is not only ineffective but you are not creating the safe space that your partner deserves.
Why are new practices or sextoys not introduced during the act? Simply because we are more vulnerable, all of our hormones are circulating, we are emotionally exposed, and this does not allow for a valid consenting response for something that can requires more time.
So how do we introduce these sextoys? We choose neutral moments that perhaps can precede the act (but it is not mandatory) we can introduce the topic through sexting, starting with imagining the practice you want to introduce.
Often in heterosexual couples the practice that is most resisted is pegging, which is a shame because it gives unparalleled moments of joy. Here, our advice is to start talking about it softly, introduce it little by little, share pictures if your partner is a visual person, even articles that deconstruct the sterotypes around anal penetration are a good idea!
Listen to your partner
Have we expressed our needs clearly and concisely to our partner? Did we create the safe space we needed? Have we tried to deconstruct any stereotypes or fears? Well, if the answer to these questions is yes, but our partner still doesn't want to know, it's time to throw in the towel!
And yes, there are no magic ticks to convince them.
What to do now? It is fair to ask ourselves how important the introduction of a particular sextoy is to us. Everyone is free to choose their own priorities in both: sex and relationship, and act accordingly when these are not matched.
Conversely, if it is just a curiosity that you can do without, you have no choice but to accept no and move peacefully on with your relationship.
Have fun choosing together.
The sextoys are endless. And this phase for me is the most beautiful, the search for the right sextoy for both of you.
Arm yourselves with patience and take your time to explore this world together. There are sextoys for every taste, just think how many types of strapons exist (strapless, double strapon, harness strapon etc..) you can also refer to our guide how to choose the right strapon for you.
We advise you to read the reviews well and pay attention to the materials used, buy only quality sextoys with medical silicone, pair them with a good water-based lubricant and have fun!!!
Feel free to explore, find a partner who like you has these needs, always prioritize a safe space. Our advice is to talk about it at neutral moments, perhaps during a walk or after your afternoon nap. Be sure to never force your hand; no means no. The only thing we can do after no is to decide how much of a priority for us is the use of any sextoy.
Finally, if you agree to explore together, enjoy the journey of finding the right sextoy for you both <3